For me with bvFTD, every holiday is now my last holiday. This Thanksgiving is my last Thanksgiving. Those close to me think this is a depressing thought, but for me it is just reality. That is simply how it is living with FTD.
|I Made This Wine!|
|A Beautiful Table!|
This is my last Thanksgiving, and it will be wonderful. I will always remember who sat at my table, as I remember every Thanksgiving from years past - both the good and the bad. The memories of the songs in our hearts, the smiles, the laughter, and the wine will last forever - but I will never be the same. I will never be here again. Thanksgiving will never be the same for me. Every holiday is my last.
Every holiday is my last holiday because I have FTD. Frontotemporal Dementia is a progressive disease. There is no cure. The is no treatment. Every day I am just a little worse than I was the day before. Every day more of my brain is turning to Lime Jell-O. This Thanksgiving is the last Thanksgiving I will ever be the way I am today. Tomorrow I will not be the same. Next year I will not be the same. This is my last Thanksgiving, until the next one. By next Thanksgiving my disease will have progressed a whole year. At best I may be 90% of what I am today, maybe much less. I may still be able to cook, or help with the cooking - I may not. I already needed help to prepare the feast. Others may still not be able to notice anything is wrong with me. Maybe they will. The change is inevitable - slow and steady - or in fits and jumps. However it happens, it will happen, and next Thanksgiving will be different. This is my last Thanksgiving as I am now.
That is why I now look at every holiday as my last - because I am changing, and I will never be here as I am today. By next year I will be a different me. While others my age have many more Thanksgivings to look forward to, this is my last. Every holiday is my last. I cherish the present more than ever before, and am happy to share my Thanksgiving with the ones I love the most. I have much to be thankful for this year.
Oh, and the feast was feasted upon, and merry merriment was made, and all were stuffed full of turkey with all the trimmings. We almost burned the rolls, but thanks to a last minute save when my son remembered they were still in the over not this year. It is a tradition to burn the rolls. My youngest son and I had a "Ham Throwdown". His Honey-Mustard Ham recipe vs. my Ginger-Ale Brown Sugar & Clove Ham recipe. Of course I won, but it was REALLY close. Both are delicious! We may have to try combining the two recipes and see how it tastes.
|Real Friends Do The Dishes!|
Just a note about Kroozer. He was having a wonderful time once he got used to all the extra commotion in "his" house. He was spoiled by everyone. He got fed so many little treats from the feast that he finally puked. Now you know it is a really great Thanksgiving when the skunk barfs! Another new tradition has been forged.
Today is now Black Friday. The dishes are all done. The house is quiet. Kroozer is checking to make sure nothing is missing. I survived yesterday just fine, and though I was aware several times of my FTD symptoms they were not totally debilitating. Forgetting where I set something, stress, and getting steps out of order were the most noticeable to me. Of course dinner, and the whole holiday as mentioned above, took much longer to plan, and I had to hibernate a few days to totally re-plan it at the last minute. My kitchen was delightfully chaotic. My boys, our friend, and I all worked like a well-oiled machine. My boys are both very good cooks, and know their way around a kitchen. I put the turkey in the oven, and started the mashed potatoes while things were still quiet. I made the pumpkin pies a couple days before. After I took the turkey out I was feeling a little overwhelmed. It is difficult for me to "keep up" when things get moving really fast. I felt a little panicked. I sat down, and watched as my kids took over. They whipped out the mashed potatoes, stuffing, corn casserole, and the ham with no trouble at all. They tasted, tweaked, and even sautéed extra celery and leeks for the stuffing, and made a quick run to the store for sour cream and Cool Whip. Our friend was right in there helping to slice, dice, and supervise. I could never have done it without them. Some days are better than others. It was a good day. And again, I am thankful.
I think I will hibernate for a few days to recover...
Comments are welcome.