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Friday, September 7, 2012

Can a bvFTD Symptom be an asset? An anecdote.

If you are offended by some raw language now and then, now would be a good time to go read something else. I have bvFTD so foul language comes naturally to me on occasion, but most of the time I don't use foul language in my posts, but every now and then... well every now and then I just have to call an asshole what he is!

...and this little bastard garden-raider is next. You lookin at me?
I mentioned in an earlier post that my friend and I had several booth spaces at the local Corn Festival. Sales were good, and our booths were busy most of the time. It was a long and tiring day, but it was worth it. We had fun, and I enjoyed talking to people. Who knew I could sell aprons, purses, and tote bags?

My bvFTD was in the background most of the time. My friend and I actually spoke of this afterwards, and she said that when she noticed I was doing something, and got distracted, she gently guided me back on-track. She is good at it because I wasn't even aware she was doing it.

Sales work is a natural for someone with bvFTD (if they could actually ever do it and not just think about it and not yell at their boss or scream at their customers and get to work regularly and ... and ... but you know what I mean). One of the symptoms of bvFTD is a lack of self restraint. I am not shy about talking with anyone. I do not think it is possible to intimidate me. When I am not being a hermit, and locking myself up behind closed doors away from everyone, I am downright sociable!

Well, she turned me loose on the local population with good solid high quality products to sell, 20 years of marketing experience, a Master's Degree in Business, and bvFTD. They didn't stand a chance! We all had fun.

and then...

I kinda had a symptom, but it worked out for the best, and I can rationalize it all over the place, but at the end of the day it was a direct result of my bvFTD, and a symptom. I just gotta warn all of the other total assholes out there that the person you are dealing with just might have bvFTD and will not put up with any of your crap.

So, here is what happened. We had a slow period mid-afternoon, and Cindy went for a walk. She needed a break, and I encouraged her to go check out the other vendors and stuff at the festival. She is a hard worker. While she was gone I made a few sales. Then things got really slow in the booths.

I noticed a man standing right in front of our booth spaces with his back to me. He had several small children lined up on either side of him effectively forming a wall blocking access to our booth. No big deal. I figured maybe he was just waiting for someone ...until ...a customer came up to our booth to look at something and he blew smoke in her face. She promptly left the vicinity in a huff. To me this was a potential sale, and from what she was interested in it meant about $25 or so. I was suddenly more interested in this gentleman. Did I mention that I have bvFTD?

I walked right up to him, and before I could even ask him if I could help him with something, he turned to me, blew some smoke at me, and said kind of menacingly, "You got a problem?" I think he maybe was some kind of small-town hick bully used to intimidating people. He had no idea! Did I mention I have bvFTD? I can get really pissed-off for no reason in less than zero-point-seven-six seconds, and this bozo had just given me a reason. I was seething!

But, I am also very aware of my bvFTD symptoms sometimes, or at least I try to convince myself that I have some insight into my feelings in spite of my condition. So with great restraint I smiled at him, and asked If I could help him with something.

And then he said, being as rude as he possibly could, "Can't you see I had my back turned to you. If I wanted any help ...mumble ...mumble..." as he turned away.

Well, I did not grab him by his dirty overalls (Yes! He was wearing overalls!), and kick his smelly ass all the way across the creek. I did not shove that cheap cigarette up his nose. I did not yell at him to move his fat-fucking ass somewhere else and take his ugly-assed kids with him! Nope! I was good. I was aware of my symptoms, and stifled all of those urges ...though just barely. He was one lucky asshole.

Instead I said, "Well! Then! I guess you are not shopping, and you are bothering my customers. Move it, or lose it!"

I suppose I could have been a little more polite about it, but considering the circumstances and the  alternatives I was on my best behavior. Did I mention that I have bvFTD? I think I may have been moving towards him as I said it, but I don't exactly remember. I know I really wanted to choke the smoke out of him. He moved. Fast! Gone! Nothing left of him but a bad smell, and a cloud of smoke, and a memory. Kids too.

"Bye! Come again when you can't stay so long!"

I turned around to see 3 women standing there right behind me. They had probably heard most of what had transpired. They were giggling. I gave them a big smile, and welcomed them into the booth. What could I say? Turns out it was the woman the asshole had blown the smoke at with a couple of her friends, or maybe her grown-up kids. In any case they came right into the booth now that the asshole had moved on, and shopped around. They didn't mention anything about what transpired, but they bought a few things. I don't remember exactly what. Maybe some dip mixes.

But here is the thing. I enjoyed it! It was great fun to unleash my bvFTD on this boorish asshole. Somehow it was very satisfying. Deep-down satisfying. Exhilarating! And even better, I was able to control my symptoms, and use restraint. Maybe that is part of why it was so enjoyable. I used my bvFTD to my own advantage, maybe for the first time ever! Now, how kool is that?

I told Cindy about it when she got back from her break, but without the bvFTD connections. That asshole was probably very lucky that she wasn't there. She is a huckster! She does not have bvFTD. She would probably not have used restraint. He would probably be trying to figure out how to remove a cigarette from a left nostril right about now.

Yes it is sometimes difficult. I try to have some fun with it now and then. The alternative is all doom and gloom. It isn't going away. Fun is better.

Some days are better than others.

Comments are welcome.

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